Since this is the first part of what will undoubtedly become a lengthy list of parts, let me preface it by saying that I am currently averaging no less than 10 ~300 page paperback historical romance and/or romantic suspense books per week, and it’s probably closer to 14 or 15. My hobby is scorned in my household by my literary snob of a husband and, frankly, most of the rest of the world as well. As a result, admitting it carries a faint hint of shame, and that I should feel any shame at all for READING BOOKS is just ridiculous, so there’s a wee bit of anger and really, it’s just a terrible cycle.

And all that, just for the introduction to a short list! Anyway, because I read so prolifically and obsessively, I quickly run out of the authors known to me and hit up the library selecting at random. I carry a green tote of doom to le bibliotheque and I have very little criteria about the books that end up there – I read the first page, then find a more…involved scene in the middle. If I don’t roll my eyes, it goes in the bag. Once home, if I make it 20 pages in without my lip curling in disdain, I’ll keep reading. If I make it halfway through without being bored to tears, I’ll pick up another book by the same author. Really it’s quite systematic and I cannot possibly imagine anyone reading this being interested in my book selection methodology. I’m sorry, I just get so caught up in the setup.

What I really want to say is that Lisa Kleypas deserves public ridicule for a multitude of things, but since I just finished one of her books tonight and this in particular stood out:

The phrase “…amorous, marauding mouth”

I MEAN, REALLY.

Never mind that there are scads of historical romance novels (I favor Regencies, personally) that are so well written that the genre is incidental, that phrase single-handedly illustrates why Warren sneers at my reading material. Well, that and the god-awful cover art on so many of them, but still. Yes, it loosely makes sense, the adjectives fit and contextually it was fine (though no actual plundering in the piratical sense was occurring) BUT IT SOUNDS COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS. AMOROUS MAURADING.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go amorously maraud my refrigerator.