Embarrassing.

I have no defense here. I am not timely. I haven’t prioritized sharing my offline presence with my online presence. If we’re being honest – and I try to be because frankly a good portion of my life contains events that couldn’t be made up even if I wanted them to be – I internalize a lot of my crap because I like to sit on it and hug it tight and love it forever before I break up with it and post it on the internet. Thus, last post, 2009. 

In a lot of ways I feel like my relationship with online blogging is unhealthy. I mean, if you were dating a person who kept promising they’d be better and then constantly did not, and in fact, did worse, I suspect you’d be out the door. Then they’d beg you to take them back and you’d give them another chance and they just do it again and again. 

So, I’m sorry, Internet. I won’t tell you I’ll do better. I can only tell you that I’ll try. 

Meanwhile, I really, really need to bitch about traffic. I am a restive person. I rarely get upset. I like to save my negative energy for anxiety and rage-fueled rants on the world wide webs. But for the LOVE of GOD I cannot COPE with people who INTERRUPT THE FLOW OF MERGE TRAFFIC. Can I talk to you about this, persons reading this who have clearly hit the bottom of the internet? Because the way I understand it – maybe I’m wrong, but I doubt it - when two lanes merge into one and it is not an on/off ramp, it goes one car, next car, one car, next car, right? A simple 1-1-1-1 pattern? Yet there are assholes in the world who seem to think they have accomplished some event in their life that gives them the privelege of DOING IT WRONG. Are you that person, the one that sees a lane closed sign and drives all the way to the very last possible cone before turning your blinker on, passing any number of available merge spots in your pursuit to get to the top of the list, like you’re some kind of cheetah in pursuit of dinner? Except there’s no actual dinner here to pursue and instead you’ve just pissed off 8 other drivers because you pulled a dick move. Don’t be that person. Be a friend. Take an open spot. 

Don’t be the person who tries to squeeze in to a spot where a vehicle has already let another car in front of them, either. That guy has done his part. It is your job as the merger to remember the pattern, one car, next car. If you speed up to get in front of that guy, you’re being a dick. Don’t be a dick. Brake and try the car behind him. If that car won’t let you in, that car is being a dick. 

What I’m saying here is, respect the flow of traffic. It is designed to get you there as quickly and safely as possible. And who knows, you may do it to me and it may be my moment to snap and then I will follow you home and send you a really sternly-worded letter about personal responsibility, and you do not want that.